check it out our google latitudes are spooning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
