I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
