I must be too annoying 4 u.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
