She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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