It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
