last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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