I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
