Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
