I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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