If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
