is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
