it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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