just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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