I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
