Nicole vs. Life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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