i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize