you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
