I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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