I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize