rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
