dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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