i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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