yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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