Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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