i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
