If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
