my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
