I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
