She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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