you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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