HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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