I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
