Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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