I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
