the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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