all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
