and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
