Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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