Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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