Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
