this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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