I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
