he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
