I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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