Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
