I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
