I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
