Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
