And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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