woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
