Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
