I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
