I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
