You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
