He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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