I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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