Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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