My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
