On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
