Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
