so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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