Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
