Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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