Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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