I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
