btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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