marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
