Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
