Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
