oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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