ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
