I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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